Without Affection
by Kriyn Dake
Summary: Rufus... the boy with everything and needed nothing? This is a songfic dedicated to the young president of Shinra Corp and a proposed past of what his life was really like... the little boy who grew up too fast. It's meant to be a sad songfic... not sure


Without Affection   
~ Based on the song "Mother said" by Air Supply ~

= NOTES =   
[ words in brackets ] = songlyrics   
blue words = flashback   
_italics _= thoughts

He buttoned the last silver button of his designer pristine suit, smoothed down the barest of wrinkles with immaculate care before he raised his head to the screams of terror and bloody slashes outside in the corridor, his face like his outfit was clinically neutral, not showing the least bit of expression. He reached for the door knob but paused abruptly, glowing sapphires tracing the outline of the figure in the photograph beside his bed.   


[ Mother said don't leave me   
There are monsters at the door ]   


He picked it up carefully, laying it in his coat pocket before he reached out for his weapon. Soft well-groomed sandy bangs shadowed his face as he fingered the cool cold metal, touched the nuzzle with reverent respect before he slipped it into his pants pocket, a weapon, something stained with the worthless blood of many men would taint the beauty of the photograph.   


[ I put on all my armour   
But I couldn't find my sword ]   


He scanned the room as if searching for something hidden in the folds and depths of the shadows, of his memories and of dreams long past. Something final in his clear sky eyes died, dissipated like the morning mist as he pushed open the door and stepped out into the corridor of chaos. Bare moments after he left, a young boy clutching a wooden little sword stepped from the pillar of the poster bed, his innocent eyes widened in panic at the absence of the photograph frame by the bed. Stumbling over with his still short legs, the little boy raised himself up on his toes and peered over the top of the bedside table, whimpering slightly, he bent down and searched the area around before falling back and collapsing into a huddled heap. He sobbed soundlessly as he clutched his little sword to his chest and pleaded that he was tired of the game and asked for his mother to come out so that he could see her and protect her again, like he had always promised he would when they first started this little game of knights and princesses.   


[ There'll always be tomorrow   
Just you wait and see   
If they come to take you prisoner   
I'll be there to set you free ]   


Silence greeted his request and convulsing in pain-wrecked sobs, he vanished quietly with tears streaming down from those crystal blue eyes.

He caressed the trigger of his shiny revolver as he checked the ammunition with practised ease, he slowed his breathing and allowed his senses to roam free, scouring the surrounding, acting as his unseen spies on any unforeseen enemies. He paused and stiffened, the one to be feared was nearby but he knew that the mysterious one had no interest in him, still there was no harm in being prepared. Brushing back his straw coloured hair, he brought the revolver up and waited in silence...

The minutes were ticking by and sweat trickled down his back and in his minds' eye he saw...

Rufus watched impassionately as his father drilled the Shinra worker in front of him, who shivered in cold sweat. Rufus shifted his shoulders slightly as he watched him deny everything inchoerently, foaming at the mouth.

_Coward. Idiot. Just admit to it. _Rufus resisted the temptation to snort in disgust, could the man not see that all the tables were turned against him, the cards laid out baring the naked truth of his betrayal to the company. Glancing at his father from the side, Rufus noticed the hardening of those ice-blue eyes and almost glanced in pity at the worker.

"Son."

Rufus shook off his trains of thought and stepped from the dark shadows.

"Yes father?" The Shinra President, swerved slightly on his maroon chair and fixed Rufus with a commanding quite gaze before he slowly jerked his head to the worker. Rufus calmly took out his revolver, felt the rush of excitement as he aimed at the poor man before he caught sight of those flickering fearful eyes, filled with desperation and a helpless plea. Rufus's hands started to tremble ever faintly, his heart filled with uncertainty and almost wavered when an image of his mother flashed through his mind. His eyes widened as he almost heard those confident words she had uttered a long time ago.

"My son, remember... "

... but his father's eyes bore through him...

"... never ever kill... "

... and shattered away the remnants of her words spoken in quiet confidence, Rufus knew what would happen if he disobeyed his orders...

"... without a noble cause or reason, Promise me that."

... and let fly the bullet, which pierced the man's fragile skull with an omniscient crack. When Rufus glanced at his father with the corner of his horror-filled eyes, he saw the man smile slightly, a smug satisfied smile. "Well done my boy." Rufus was rooted to the spot but he remembered when he returned to his room, the pain-wrecking sobs that echoed in his haven, in his cell as he called out an apology to her spirit again and again.

"Of course mom, I hate to kill."   


[ Mother said I'm grown up   
and a sunday's shirt untied ]   


Rufus blinked in amazement at the sudden tears in his eyes. He swiped them away, what was the use of weeping when the damage had been done, when he had committed that act of cowardice by giving in to his father's pressure, when he broke the promise.   


[ As long as I can see you   
Can I hold you when I cry   
There'll always be tomorrow   
I'll be so big and strong ]   


He wrenched himself away from this act if self-pity, pushing himself away from the wall. _Pathetic._He extended his senses and relazed slightly when he noted that the presence was gone, he padded silently along the vast corridors.   


[ I'll sleep with all the lights out   
not afraid of anyone ]   


Taking care not to step on any of the dead corpses, trying not to look upon their faces as memories came rushing up to him. He was tired of feeling sad for those he cared for, he supposed it was ironic in a sense that the richest boy in the whole of Midgar did not even have the luxury to feel sad at whim, it was too heavy a burden for which he could not bear.   


[ I need you to stay ]   


Anyway, in the end... they always left.   


[ I need you to say ]   


So what was the use of mourning, of weeping, of aching for them? What was the use of holding onto dreams that could not be? What was the use of holding onto words that dissipated soon enough...   


[ I need you   
I need you ]   


His fingers touched the golden door knob of his father's study and silently pushed it open.   


"M-mother? Where are you going?" Startled blue orbs framed with dark long lashes stared at him before they softened into a loving gaze which filled him with warmth.

"Hush little one..." She smiled as she enveloped him in a tight hug and planted a gentle light kiss at his forehead.   


[ Mother said she's sleeping   
so I climbed back into bed ]   


"Mother will be leaving... going to take a rest." She whisperered while softly stroke his blonde hair, much like hers. He whimpered slightly, like he did every night.

"NO! Don't want! Stay here with me. With Rufus! Rufus will be a good boy!" He could not explain why but tonight, panic and uncertainty clouded his mind as he clung onto his mother. Something told him that if he let go he would not see her again.

"Yes darling, I know you'll be a good boy. Remember the promises we made? As long as you are a good boy, I will be happy." She tightened her hug, turning slightly desperate, a silver teardrop slid down her smooth skin before she pushed him away gently but firmly.

"Sleep darling... I will see you-I will watch over you..." She paused at the doorway before she closed it firmly behind her.

"Ready?" A harsh commanding tone asked, she shivered in fear before she quelled it to a bare trembling.

"Yes... Must it be me?"

"Don't ask stupid questions," he growled before he forcefully pulled her along.

"Then grant me one favour."

"Fine."

"I know you cannot love Rufus, just like you never really loved me. But please, take care of him... "   


[ But the monsters took her prisoner   
that's all that father said   
So I thought about tomorrow   
And I learned to be alone ]   


Footsteps pounded down the red carpeted corridor but those innocent blue eyes ignored the lavish surroudings as he sped towards his father's study.

"FATHER!!!" He screamed in his childish paniced voice.

"Where is mom? Did you see her?" His father looked up from his newspapers and stared down quietly at Rufus. Rufus tried to quell the erratic pounding of his heart and the chill that was shaking him to the bone.

"Mom? Where is she?" he replied more calmly but with an undertone of further desperation.

"She left... " He replied before returning to the paper.

_N-No... NO!!! _"Why?" Rufus asked in a tiny whisper, his eyes, the windows of his soul threatening to collapse and shatter. The Shinra President paused for a long while, studying Rufus like he would an experiment.

"Because... she doesn't love you anymore." The Shinra President soaked up whatever sadistic satisfaction he could have from the breaking of the child in front of him.

To the unobservant, the boy had remained chillingly impassionate but the Shinra President could see, the shutting down of those eyes as they glazed over and stared off into the distance before his shoulders sagged slightly and he bowed his head, the angry clenching of small fists till tiny rivets of blood trickled down and spilled forth on the red-carpet, staining it even further.

Then he turned and walked slowly out of the door.   


[ Making friends with shadows as they moved around my home   
Mother never leaves me I can always see her smile ]    


From that day forth, he was alone, withdrawn into a shell for five years. He never spoke, not a single word as he went through every torturous day, often pausing in the middle of the walkway to touch walls, stare at her paintings, eyes calling in their own silent plea for her return. The maids and advisors often whispered about the sad silent child as they went about their daily duties.   


[ I sit with her in the evening to talk to her awhile ]   


It was a day of great rejoicing when he finally regained his command of speech and along with it a good sense of humour and a debonair attitude that soon seized the hearts of many young girls. It was a common site to see young Rufus leaning against the railings, talking and laughing with his four best friends, the Turks.

No one heard the ripples of loneliness that echoed through his laughter.

No one saw the flickering hurt that was buried beneath his shining eyes.

No one knew that he kept her photo by his bedside, asking 'why' every night. No one realized his heart was still bleeding and one day it would run dry.   


[ There'll always be tomorrow   
Just you wait and see ]   


He pushed open the door and stepped in, his emotionless mask fixed in place as he stared at the long silver sword that was implanted in his father's back, watched the trickle of blood that was slowly joining the pool on the floor. Rufus watched impassionately as his father raised his pudgy hand that had taken so many lives and saved none. Rufus smiled coldly as he watched his father plead for help through parched cracked lips.

"You lied, didn't you?" Rufus asked calmly.

Rufus did not need an answer, he knew he had been right all along.

"Liar." Rufus accused. His clear blue eyes hardening to cold wintry crystals.

"Murderer." Rufus accused of sacrificing his only kin for an experiment. His elegant hand rose and hovered poised over the hilt of the silver sword.

"Stranger." He stated matter-of-factly as he stared straight into those fearful eyes with a distant aloof expression. His hand pushed the hilt in and watched as the blood came out in spurts. Rufus neither smiled, cried nor laughed. He felt nothing, for this stranger but a pulsating inborn hate that wiped away all other emotions.   


[ I know that any moment she will come to set me free ]   


Rufus walked to the window and stared at the sprawling dirty city before raising his eyes to the murky sky. Eyes, the colour of the sea, the rivers, the ocean. Eyes, shadowed with pain, with hurt, without joy. Eyes that took in everything yet saw nothing at all. Empty windows of an empty soul. A soul tainted with blood, a life filled with false affection and yet he smiled. For he saw that soon by this window would he be set free, free form the bonds of this cold cruel world, he would be engulfed in burning green flames, and he would rise from it, and an angel would end his suffering.   


[ I need you to stay ]   
  


His guardian would come, his pillar of love and strength. The one who left but would return. Till then... he would wait.   


[ need you to say ]   


"Mother! Mother! Will you always be with me?"   


[ I need you ]   


"Of course... darling. Forever."   


[ I need you ]   


"GOODY!!! Because, Rufus loves mommy."   


I need you (whisper)

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Author's notes: Sorry about the crappy ending but there's a beetle on my keyboard! AND I really really hate beetles... erm... so I have to go. Anyway, hope you liked this fic and I really recommend you download the song cause it is so incredibly sad, not like my pathetic piece of work in which I TRIED to make it moving... 


End file.
